You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
