who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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