They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
