Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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