I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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