When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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