i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize