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• (716): View more from New York

  holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

  (1-716): View more from New York

  How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

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• (631): View more from New York

  I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him

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