oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
