that's an acceptable place to lick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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