help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
