thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
