Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
