id be glad to
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He has the fingertips of a God
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