I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
