Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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