I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
bring money and cleavage
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
