that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize