You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
