I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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