no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
