Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
