why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
