last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize