I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
