If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
