Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
