if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
