Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
