You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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