well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
