I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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