Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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