TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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