very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
