elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
