saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
