he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
