Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
