what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Houston, we have a squirter
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
