it wasn't lemon gatorade
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
