I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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