a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
