i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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