I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize