i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
