Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
