Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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