I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize