you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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