im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
