this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
