When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
