i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
