well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
