This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
