Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
