i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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