woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
3 2 1 whiskey
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
