..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
