someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
