i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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