Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
