It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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