theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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