ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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