Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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