So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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